Cogito, Ergo Sum Read online

types of the same thing. I am no longer frightened. I am nolonger lonely. You are good for me."

  I was relieved because I wanted to be. I believed the other _Marl_--no,the _Pat_--because I wanted to believe. I did not bother torationalize. I felt elation.

  "Then in that other time, that other place we both belonged to a--acommon group, with another name?" I suggested.

  "I believe so," the _Pat_ answered.

  "How was it when you came awake?" I asked. "Can you remember?"

  "I think so. I recall I was born here in fright because it was allwrong. I was not in my natural state, so it was not right." The _Pat_paused to think. "I remember there was great speed and I was born infright. Were you?"

  "No," I answered. "I was not frightened at first. And I was neverfrightened to the degree you were. I was mostly lonely, which is relatedto fear. But when I first conceived of my existence here I was coollylogical. I awakened _reasoning_--realizing that I existed."

  "I suppose it has to do with our emotional differences," the _Pat_beside me or with me or within me communicated.

  "Do you recall where in space you came from?" I asked. "I must have beendoubting my existence at first so intensely I did not observe. You seemto have taken your own being for granted, thus you were, perhaps, moreobservant."

  "I--I think so." The _Pat_ hesitated and I knew it was observing thestars around us. "Yes. Come with me. I think I know where."

  I stayed with the _Pat_, a part of it, and we lurched through space.Rather, we ceased to exist at one point in space and existed in another.How far? Distances meant nothing.

  "It was here," the _Pat_ informed me finally.

  * * * * *

  Something was wrong here. The interweaving waves of force were allwrong. There was a disorder, a great cancer in space. The wavesinterfered with the progress of each other all along a great barrier. Itwas not natural, not like it was elsewhere.

  "Something is wrong with the waves of force crossing this area. Theyinterfere with each other. New forces are created. Do you detect it?" Icommunicated.

  "I feel it," the _Pat_ answered. "It is a sickness in space like--likeour loneliness."

  I knew the comparison was ridiculous but I let it pass. "You said youcame alive at great speed. I could have been traveling too. We must haveplunged into this barrier. It seems to me that emotions must originatein a _physical_ being; perhaps reason could be free, but not emotion. Idon't know. But I have a theory. I believe our _physical_ selves stillexist somewhere in space. The barrier, perhaps, interfered with thenormal functioning of our mental equipment. We exist at one point inspace and we are thinking, experiencing emotions at another point. It'sas if our minds are--are broadcasting our thoughts and emotions far awayfrom our physical selves. Either that, or our rationales were torn freeand only our emotions are broadcast. Does that sound logical?"

  "Yes," the _Pat_ agreed, "I believe that is the answer."

  I felt that the _Pat_ was pleased with my theory, that it greatlyadmired my reasoning. I also perceived that it had no idea what I meantby the explanation. I did not mind.

  "You said you were moving at great speed," I continued. "Can youremember the line, the direction you were traveling in?"

  The _Pat_ hesitated only a moment. "Yes. You perceive the star clusterthere, the triangular one? My heading was in that direction, but it waschanging fast."

  "Then we could find nothing by traveling toward the triangular cluster?"

  "No. I was moving in an arc in the direction of the distorted squarecluster there. Do you see it?"

  "Yes," I answered, knowing her use of the word _see_ was unconscious."That is Cetus."

  "Cetus?" The _Pat_ was startled. "How do you know that?"

  "I don't know. The name came to me. It seemed right to call it that."

  "It--it's all so frightening!"

  I had no time for pampering our emotions, though I was at great peacewith the _Pat_ so near me. Time might prove vital. "Neither would it doany good to travel in the direction of Cetus," I said.

  "No. No," the _Pat_ communicated. "If there is any object of matter orforce I was a part of in that other existence traveling through space,it is in an arc. The best we can do is take an arbitrary directionbetween the triangular cluster and the one called Cetus and hope tointercept the object, the other part of me, whatever it is."

  "Come with me," I ordered.

  I discovered the object of mass hurtling through space before the _Pat_did. It was symmetrical and metallic. I tore myself away from mycompanion and darted to meet it. I discovered it was a shell, a hollowthing, and I passed inside. There was a room there. There wereprojections and circles of transparent matter. I experienced the symbol_dials_.

  There were two other creatures seated close to the dials, things ofmatter, and their substance was protoplasm. But there was no rationalepresent in either of them. I examined the living matter of the smallerone swiftly. Organs seemed poised in a suspended state. The creature Iobserved, housed in a protective shell, seemed paralyzed or dead. Iremembered the word _dead_.

  Then the _Pat_ was with me again. "I--I feel something, _Marl_. I amfrightened. What are they, those things there?"

  "They seem to be--" I stopped communicating.

  The _Pat_ had disappeared!

  The thing of protoplasm nearest me was moving but I was no longerinterested. I remember the _Pat_ had touched the upper extremity of thecreature and had vanished, had ceased to be.

  The old sickness was back. I was lonely. I wanted the other entity. Icould not, did not wish to exist without the _Pat_.

  I darted frantically about the metal shell, here and there, searching,searching. Where was the _Pat_? I _screamed_ for it. I thought _Pat_ asfar away as I could reach, but there was no reaction, no response atall.

  In my frenzy, I was back beside the creatures of protoplasm before Irealized it, near the one I had not yet examined.

  "Perhaps they took her," I thought. It was not logical, but it was ahope. Hope is emotional; I was becoming more emotional than rational.

  I touched the larger of the two creatures, experimentally; movedcautiously inside it, searching, searching.

  Suddenly I was seized by a great force, an inexorable power that graspedme and wrenched me, tearing me from the point in space I had occupied amoment before. My perception blurred, but I was not frightened. Withoutthe _Pat_ I did not care what happened. I was intensely curious. "Sothis is how it is," I reasoned in a flash, "to _cease to be_."

  And I ceased to be....

  * * * * *

  Marlow shook his head. I must have dozed, he thought. He glanced at thechronometer on the console ahead. No, only a minute or two had elapsedsince the last time he had checked.

  "Sleepy head! Wake up and live!"

  He looked to his right. Pat sat in the navigator's seat smiling at him.

  "I didn't sleep, honestly," he protested. "We hit some sort of barrierback there. It knocked me out for a moment. I had the damnedestimpression--"

  "Remember what you promised!" She swiveled the seat about to face him."No more scientific lectures on the mysteries of space or I'll return toearth. You know my poor brain can't absorb it."

  "You win," he grinned, running calloused fingers through his greyingcrew-cut. He leaned forward and kissed her briefly. "How did an oldspace hermit like me ever win a flower-garden bride in the first place?"

  They laughed together, and he felt secure within the metallic shellsurrounding them, no longer alone.

  Transcriber's Note:

  This etext was produced from _Fantastic Universe_ March 1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and typographical errors have been corrected without note.

 
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